wowza.

i really thought i was going to continue writing this time. haha. but i took like almost a two month break. go me! anyways, i've just been feeling the need to journal lately. i think it makes me feel better a lot of the time. and i don't know why, but i've been kind of strangely unhappy lately. nothing in particular is bothering me. just a bunch of little things that i most likely shouldn't stress over. but... i tend to do that. how lame of me. seriously, i didn't think i was one of those people. i picture myself as a pretty chill person but in reality i don't think that's the case.

so i hurt my back somehow. and i haven't been able to run for a couple days. i'm miserable! i think i really appreciated my healthy body and would thank God occasionally for my health and fitness, but i know i'll be even MORE grateful once i am fixed! i hate wanting to work out and not being able to. it's the worst.

it's kind of made me think about things though. for the most part, i am a very healthy girl. and i have a good life. and i am capable of doing many, many different things. but sometimes i literally don't know where my time went. am i doing all that i could? what am i doing for myself and for others and for God? how am i spending my time? am i happy? i just feel like i should be doing more. other things besides working. so i've started making a list of things i want to work on. some of them i have started, but i need to continue. i need some motivation and a few reminders. i just want to enjoy this wonderful life more. this isn't the finished list, but it is a start!

first, i want to learn how to cook and bake.
i'm already taking on the baking with my new cupcake obsession. haha.
but i also want to take some of my mom's awesome recipes and cook some stuff.
i want to be able to come home and make myself a great dinner and not have to rely on someone else.

i also want to volunteer more. i'm not sure what exactly i could do. but maybe Christ's table. and the animal shelter. maybe even the art community that our studio just joined will have some things for me to do. i just want to help other people more. i think that'd make me really happy.

i want to at some point, find a really big, thick journal that i can use to document images and people that inspire me. i should be getting a polaroid camera here soon and if i can manage to find some film that might work out perfectly for this. i think it could help me with my job and maybe bring out different sides of my personality and creativity.

painting is a no brainer. i obviously loooove it and i think i have some potential, i if i do say so myself. it's also a great form of worship. i love singing along to brooke fraser and looking to Him for inspiration.

yogaaaaa. i did this last week before i reeeally hurt my back and it is so relaxing. i love the meditation, not to mention it's good for my flexibility since i am a runner.

i want to get back in the habit of reading the bible daily. so what if i get confused sometimes and don't really understand what's going on. i believe it's good for my soul. just reading in general. i seriously looove it. but sometimes when i work all day it just feels like a chore to exercise my brain even more. i want it to be fun again.

getting my butt out of bed earlier. which also means going to sleep earlier. i think i'm perfectly capable of doing this. i just have to be kind of strict about it. no late night movies. i know that if i do it, i'll feel ten times better. times ten. plus, it'll help me get my work out in earlier. which means more leisure time after work.

pray more. i used to have an open conversation with God all day long. but those are the kind of things you have to work at. you have to learn to be present in each moment and invite him into your life and the decisions that you make and all the little things that you do. i want that again. because i climb in bed to say all the things i want to say and i normally fall asleep before i can finish.

learn to control my cravings of all things. let me just say it. this fatty could use some will power. haha.

i know i have a lot more to add to this list, but for now i will end with - write on this blog more. or write somewhere more. anywhere. i don't care. just keep track of how you're feeling. vent. stay SANE! haha. these are all reasonable goals. i'll try to keep you - as in myself - posted on my progress.